


Blood and Gold

by NicoRiddle



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bad Albus Dumbledore, CPTSD, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Not So Evil Voldemort (Harry Potter), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Possessive Tom Riddle, Powerful Harry, Rituals, Runes, Slow Burn, Smart Harry, Time Travel, Toxic Friendships, Trauma, Worldbuilding, massive trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-26
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:13:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 3,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22909165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NicoRiddle/pseuds/NicoRiddle
Summary: This fic is currently undergoing a major rewrite. Come back later to read the improved version, or if you want to read the old one for some reason, PM me and I'll send it to you.
Relationships: Harry Potter/Tom Riddle, Harry Potter/Tom Riddle | Voldemort, Harry Potter/Voldemort
Comments: 1231
Kudos: 3830





	1. Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings applicable to the entire works: if mental health issues, eating issues, descriptions of violence and murder, talks about sexual assault and consent issues (no rape will happen in this fic, on- or off-screen, but there might arise situations without explicit consent) bother you, this story is probably not one you should read.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I started writing this fic, I didn't really have any solid plans for it, I just wrote whatever I felt like writing at the moment. It was a good way to ease my boredom in Quarantine 1, but now that the story gained some loyal readers, I couldn't leave it without some much-needed adjustments.  
> There will be some major changes to the plot, but the concept remains the same as before. The chapters will be uploaded continuously as I work on them, but no notification will go out to subscribers until I get to chapter 13. This was done intentionally, as I didn't want to lose all the comments by deleting the chapters, and I wanted to get to a similar point in the new plot as I left the old one before everyone is notified of the changes.  
> If you've read the old version, I'm looking forward to receiving your feedback on this new one.  
> Have fun!

If you read this story before February 2021, please make sure you read the notes at the beginning before you proceed!

“You ditched another one,” she said in an accusatory tone as she stepped out of the green flames of the fireplace, polishing the soot off her robes with a flick of her wand.

“I didn’t want to go in the first place,” he replied unfazed without looking up from his book, not even remotely surprised by her unannounced visit. He had been expecting her all night, knowing that the news would sooner or later reach her, and she would come in person to berate him.

“Harry, you cannot keep doing this!” she told him, exasperated. 

She invited herself to sit down in front of him at the table of his living room, pushing aside a stack of parchment sheets so that she would have space to rest her hands.

“No, Hermione,” he said, closing his book with a sigh and setting it atop the small mountain of books on the side of the table. “ _You_ can’t keep doing this! I told you the last twelve times that I had no interest in going on these silly blind dates,” he tried to control the annoyance that was seeping into his tone, but it was a hard task.

He knew that she meant no harm by her actions, but ever since his once again failed date he’d been talking himself into a sort of spiral of frustration and anger. At Hermione for putting him in such a situation again, at the wizarding world for idolising him like a second coming of Merlin, and at himself for fucking up another opportunity and making Hermione worry.

“You’re lonely, Harry!” she told him, as if he wasn’t aware of the fact already. “Why can’t you let Ginny and I help you find someone? You don’t even try to give any of them a chance.”

“I don’t need anyone,” he snorted, knowing very well that it wasn’t true. “None of them want anything to do with _me_ , Mione… Not Harry the person, they all want the Great Harry Potter, the Man Who Conquered. It gets boring really fucking fast,” he told her for the hundredth time, not even bothering to hide from her how bitter that made him feel.

She meant well by trying to set him up with somebody, and he knew that it wasn’t her fault that everyone she managed to find for him ended up trying to exploit him for their own gain. Hermione kept trying to push him to see more people, sure of the fact that he would find someone he would connect with, someone who wouldn’t see him as a hero, as a conqueror, but as an ordinary man who wished to live a normal life with a partner.

Harry understood her efforts and her position, especially considering his state in the years after the end of the war, but honestly, he was just so exhausted by people using him over and over again.

“You wouldn’t know it, since you won’t even spend more than two minutes with them!” she ground out, obviously struggling to keep her tone at a conversational level. 

Hermione just couldn’t understand what he was feeling. He knew she tried, but she just couldn’t. Ron had been there for her ever since they got together, she never had to put herself out there to date as one of the ‘Golden Trio’. Ginny was probably the one who came closest to getting it, as she also dated people in the years after the war, but by the height of her fame as a vicious quidditch player, she’d already been together with Theo for years.

“That is more than enough to see how they keep looking around for the Merlin-damned journalists, playing themselves for the clout and the fame,” he replied with a sneer on his face. It was a conscious effort on his part to keep his hands from fidgeting with his sleeves, knowing that it would be a dead giveaway for her that he was, in fact, very anxious to have that conversation with her.

It filled him with tremendous guilt to know how hard she was trying to help him, he felt that by always proving to her that she wasn’t setting him up with well-intentioned people, he would somehow make her feel like a failure, or make her think that he wasn’t appreciating her efforts. Because he was. He just wished she wasn’t so pushy about making him go on those stupid dates.

“That is not true! Cecilia was genuinely looking forward to getting to know you,” she leaned forward in her chair, pushing the stack of parchment next to her off the table. Neither of them moved to pick it up.

“She was wearing a spy-ring, Hermione,” he revealed, and watched as her face closed off in disappointment. Harry’s hands immediately sought out a quill-tip to twirl between his fingertips. He knew that she genuinely thought well of every person she was trying to set him up with. It wasn’t her fault that they all ended up being conniving bastards. “Everything that was said between us, someone else was also hearing, and I’d be willing to bet my fortune on the fact that we’ll be reading another slanderous article in the Prophet tomorrow about how much of an asshole I am,” he said bitterly, running a hand through his ever-messy hair.

“Well, they wouldn’t have any material for those if you didn’t leave every single one of them hanging the second you discovered those. You know the Prophet loves trash-talking you, I don’t understand why you can’t just at least entertain your dates a little, so they wouldn’t have anything on you!” she burst out.

Harry knew deep down that she didn’t mean what she actually said, but it still stung that she would even think to shift the blame on him. As if he could do anything about his dates going to the press the first chance they got, to sell their silly little lies for some meagre amount of gold. Still, the way she phrased it made him feel so shitty, it made his whole chest clench up with guilt.

“They don’t deserve a second of my time, Hermione,” he scowled. “And you forget, it’s you who keeps trying to set me up with random people that I’m sure even you have never met before,” he said in an accusatory tone. 

“Harry, you refuse to date anyone we went to school with. That shrinks your pool of options considerably,” she told him, in a tone that sounded a little too condescending for his liking.

However, Mione was also correct in knowing that he was desperate to find someone to share his life with, someone he could be himself with, who would love him as he loved them back. Not just for sex and physical intimacy, though it had been a long time since Harry had shared that part of himself with someone, but someone to build a life with, someone to go home to at the end of a hard day. He craved to be held at night as he woke from his nightmares sweaty and crying, someone to stand by his side as a pillar and hold him when he was harassed by journalists.

He’d been trying to deny it for a long time, thinking that he was fine by himself, but ever since Ginny and Hermione started conspiring to set him up with a witch or a wizard, he had to come to terms the fact that they were somewhat right. As much as he absolutely hated their methods. They were right, they just haven’t been entirely successful in finding the right person.

Despite loving Hermione dearly, he knew that his friend was too stubborn to see that she was wrong, to see how much harm she’s actually causing with her actions. While yes, he would give up many things to be able to build a family and a life with someone, she was going about it the wrong way. He knew that deep down he was desperately craving for her to finally be right about someone. It was just so hard to look at the world and see only lost options. 

Nobody from Hogwarts was a viable option, either because they were his close friends who’d fought alongside him, or because they weren’t. He never forgot or forgave the general student mass for all the bullying, the shunning, back turning, and gossiping they had done to him, how even those who had personally known him would turn their backs on him the second the Prophet or the Ministry said something negative about him. Those he didn’t know from school were few and far between, so he’d honestly given up hope that he would ever find his person. 

Until recently, that is. 

“If you just took into consideration the fact that I’ve repeatedly told you that I am not interested in any of them, _at all_ , we wouldn’t be having this problem,” he said in an artificially calm voice.

Ever since the war, he’d been trying to block it out, take his mind off of his craving for human connection. He’d been working on making himself so busy he wouldn’t have a free second to think about it. 

First, it was apprenticing with Bill and learning the complete NEWT Runes curriculum in the span of a year. Of course, back then nobody worried about it, that it was a distraction tactic. His friends, especially Hermione, were elated that he was ‘finally’ taking his studies seriously. He was able to play some of it off as a natural genius in runes, hiding the fact that he regularly skipped sleeping to stay up and work on his studies, and that he regularly fell asleep at his desk, buried under stashes of books, from pure exhaustion.

It was after the NEWT exams and his admission to the Rune Master candidacy programme that his friends started to suspect that something might be wrong with him. The constant exhaustion had started to show, he lost so much weight that he barely had energy to get out of bed many days. 

As his mental health deteriorated, Harry started dabbling in some more serious forms of runic magic. It was just a few rituals here and there, but as he started to discover just how much potential they had, he dove deeper into studying more intricate ones. He tried sticking to mostly light and neutral runic rituals but honestly, they were few and far between, and definitely less powerful than other alternatives.

It took Harry a while to get comfortable with the idea of looking into darker rituals, but as he started reading up on runic warding more, he realised that their potential for good was too much for him not to utilise them. 

He started small, just weaving a couple more layers into the warding of his home, but as he got more used to the power and influence of these rituals, he dove head first into learning as much as he could.

“We can all see how lonely you are, Harry! I can see how you look at Ron and I, and Ginny and Theo! Even seeing random couples on Diagon, you have this deep longing in your eyes.” He knew she was right, he really did. “You don’t want to date anyone, you refuse to see a mind healer, I don’t know what else to do for you, Harry,” she leaned back, misty-eyed from the frustration of being unable to do more to help him.

He knew that if she could, she would battle the entire world for him, and she would defeat everyone in her way to make sure he was okay. All of his chosen family would.

It wasn’t the dark magic that started to eat away his physical health. No, it was his deep thirst of knowledge. He started to leave less and less time between the rituals for his magic to recover, and without him noticing it, his health started to decline, bit by bit. At first, it was just the ever-growing tiredness, his forgetfulness that started to affect his performance, then the constant dizziness whenever he stood up or did something particularly straining, and that was not even mentioning his physical appearance and weight.

A year into the Rune Master candidacy programme, when his issues were so obviously physical that he could no longer hide them, Mrs Weasley had had enough. It started with a stern talk, which ended up in both of them bawling their eyes out, knowing that she’d already lost a son to the war, she wouldn’t be able to bear losing another.

And Harry genuinely tried afterwards, but he’d spent so long forgetting to eat regularly and take care of himself that the improvement was too slow for Molly. It took the whole Weasley family banding together, taking turns in bringing him scheduled meals, and organising weekly quidditch matches and family dinners for months, to see some improvement in his health, both physical and mental.

He remembered the embarrassment he’d felt at first, that it took about a dozen people taking care of him for him to get even marginally better, but he also remembered the joy and gratitude he’d felt at the knowledge that they loved him so much that they would do anything to help him heal.

Even with them taking care of him so, still spent way too much time studying and working on his candidacy projects, so much so that he finished the candidacy programme in a mere three years, less than half the time than the average completion time of the programme. It’d been a long and difficult journey, but over the years he’d been getting better, both physically and mentally.

“Of course I don’t want to see a mind healer, I’m not crazy! My problem is that I am Harry fucking Potter,” he spat the words out. That’s the one thing they could never convince him to do, see a mind healer. Not truly because of the excuses he gave them, but because he didn’t trust healers. No matter their sworn confidentiality, he was sure they would find a way to leak his issues to the press, and he absolutely did not wish that for his worst enemy, especially not himself.  
“Nobody wants to date me for _me_ , Mione, their opinions of me are already clouded by their expectations of me. And I’m tired of having to constantly live up to those,” he sighed, and saw her face losing tension a little as her eyes softened.

“Oh, Harry,” Hermione whispered, and leaned forward to take his hand into hers from across the table. “Seeing a mind healer doesn’t mean you’re crazy, love. You do know that just throwing yourself into your work and not taking care of yourself won’t help, don’t you?”

“I’m working on something that might,” he told her, and his chest stung a little when he saw the flash of disappointment that appeared on her face for a moment.

He knew what she was thinking, that he might be spiralling back to where he was in the years after the battle, but honestly that was not what was happening.

He’d found something. A ritual that would actually help him find his destined partner.

His soulmate.

Harry was very squeamish about believing in such things, and worried that the ritual might not even work so he hadn’t told them. Partially so that they wouldn’t talk him out of trying out the option that felt like it was his last hope, partially because he didn’t want to get his own hopes up too much.

“Just… Make sure you eat and sleep, alright?” she said in a very motherly tone. “I know you’ve been doing much better in the last couple of years, but you’re still very far from being okay, Harry…” she stood and circled around the table to give him a firm hug.

“I will, Mione,” he whispered, giving her a kiss on her cheek. “You guys need to stop worrying about me, I’ll be fine,” he gave her a half-sided smile.

“Sure, Harry,” she smiled back before tightening her hug one more time. She stood, and with a lingering backwards glance she made her way to the fireplace and flooed back to the Burrow.

Harry sank in the chair with a deep sigh. 

Their talk would probably stick with her for a while before she and Ginny started looking around again for a new potential date, so he would be safe from their nagging for a few weeks. That will hopefully be enough time for him to finish mastering the ritual he’d found.

He stood up and started picking up his notes from the ground where Hermione had knocked them down. Thankfully she hadn’t bothered to take a look at what he was working on, already used to the fact that he was always tinkering with some sort of runic ritual. 

Who knows how she would have reacted, finding out that he was not only working on a completely unknown ritual, but a blood runic ritual that he’d found in a dusty old book in the Runes Association’s library… She would tear him a new one, probably.

Harry knew he had to be careful researching the topic since blood runic rituals were highly illegal. Caution was a must, especially in the Association’s Research Centre, where the library was, because they kept strict records on who took out which book. He’d been working on some shady topics for the last couple years since he became a Rune Master so it was not too likely that he would attract too much attention but he still needed to be vigilant, and not take out any books from the library.

He knew that in the couple of weeks he had before his friends would hound him again, he would be able to finish preparing for the ritual, and he would hopefully never have to repeat that night’s events with anybody.

Because he would have his soulmate by his side.


	2. Ritual

Keeping this up so that I don't lose the lovely comments that keep my motivation up.


	3. Chapter 3

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	4. Chapter 4

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	5. Chapter 5

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	6. Chapter 6

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	7. Chapter 7

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	8. Chapter 8

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	9. Chapter 9

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	10. Chapter 10

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	11. Chapter 11

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	12. Chapter 12

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End file.
